Medical Terminology 101
Here are some of the things I have either heard people say or I have seen on charts over the past couple of years. Some of these were sent to me from other parts of the hospital when they heard that I was compiling them. Thank you to all of those who contributed.
"unresponsive and in no distress"
"nonverbal, noncommunicative and offers no complaints"
"The need to maintain dialogue with the family regarding the appropriatenss of limiting futile care to the patient is noted"
"his Hct is stable but dropping"
"I don't want to be incubated again"
"coffee bean emesis" indication for a CXR
"increased worriation"
"V/Q scan was positive for low probability"
"pt was apprehended and guarded"
"pulses are fixed and dilated"
in asking about code status, "do you want your wife to receive artificial insemination"
"findings compatible with ileus. Bladder is still in colon"
"be sure to check eyes and nose"
"unemployed cashier"
"pt wants to live" (leaving AMA)
"I had a kiwi on my chest" (keloid)
"dictated home O2, transcribed homo too"
"I have hemorrhoids & the Fitzgeralds"
"hyperpotassemia"
"that bacterial virus is a doozy"
"noncompliant smoker"
"homodynamic compromise"
"denies any rectal breeding"
indication for an EGD - "stomach hurt, swallow face in the morning, her poop is black & diabetes"
"spucus"
"fireballs in the uterus"
"F\U chest rumbles"
"partial TAH"
"toxic screen"
nursing notes in the ICU - "MD @ bedside attempted to urinate"
"titrate Tridil to pain"
indication for flex sig "blood when whipping himself"
"chicken pops"
"depleted electrodes"
"patient's anatomy not compatible with Texas catheter"
"if she wants children, think about recommending birth control pills"
"Discharge medications. The pt will be discharged on his discharge medications "
"blood clogs"
"her chest pain started in her right leg and it went up her back"
"abd pain is relieved by Maalox & constipation"
"pt was fecally impacted @ the nursing home on April 12th"
"antenna lung" (atenolol)
"since pt is a diabetic will keep a low threshold for suspicion"
"accentually normal study"
"not uncommonly non-diagnostic"
"US prostate rule out hydronephrosis"
Ortho consult - "Recommend sling for comfort & pillows for sleeping"
"polynephritis"
"holy systolic murmur"
Nursing home transfer notes - "C. diff negative, VRE nonnegotiable"
"per the NH staph"
"pt expired and was dc'd home"
"pt has looked cachectic for the past 3 days"
"She diuresed pretty well. I gave her 40 of Lasix and she put out 2000 liters."
admitting dx="diarrhea and he won't sit up right"
"Harbor Tunnel Syndrome"
"pregnizone"
"My back has been hurting ever since they gave me that cauterizer." (Foley catheter)
discharge dx=nephrolithiasis; discharge instructions="drink plenty of urine"
on the top of an intern H&P; "source of information: self (poor historian)"
"Pt sitting on comode with family member brushing her hair"
SocHx (ICU admission presentation), "lives in funeral home."
physician order, "titrate O2 to 0%"
"Pt has had persistent vaginal breathing"
"Pt sitting up comfortably, eating her lung"
"I have sinus-sitis and I don't want you to give me the bacon-eggs." (Beconase)
"I will continue discontinuing the Lipitor."
"Writers Syndrome"
CCU Orders: "Transfuse to PCU"
"hyena hernia"
"dx-stable"
"left nose fracture, but his right nose is OK"
"admit dx "Arrhythmia situations"
"Mucormyst"
"on CBC she was hyponatremic"
order - "DC the Amiodarone toxicity"
"CME was detected in the bronch"
"grand mama seizures"
"ankeloedemia"
"she progressed her amputation well to where she was able to climb steps and walk 25 feet"
"pt appears yellowish with glasses"
"I need some flu serum"
"could be secondary to pulmonary process vs. other causes"
"her hematuria dissolved"
ortho consult - "Can you preop this guy? His ejection fracture is 30%"
"colonosophy"
blood cx - "suspicious x2 bottles"
"Neutrition"
"found on the floor in her own diarrhea" (as opposed to someone else's diarrhea)
"I have a home nipplizer"
"I see a beautician for my pressure"
"In the past, I perpetrated my colon"
"Her CHF got much better with diaphoresis"
"She did not lose control of her rectum"
Plan - "gently dehydrate"
Links:
Some medical funnies
Medical Record Humor
Medical Malapropisms, Mispronunciations, & Other Strange Things